I know I can call myself a depression survivor. You may call that label dramatic or unwarranted, however I do not. I can see the light now and its bright, that tunnel doesn't feel as long anymore. As this blog documents, I have had a struggle with depression from around 13 years old. However eight year later I have eventually weened myself almost completely of anti-depressants (please reserve your judgement for medicating depression, it worked for me) and feel rather human. Bad days and good days, I have them both, although what has changed is the ways in which I approach them now. While I can't say everything is breezy and fantastic and my bad days do not exist. I can say I find it a lot easier to pick myself back up. I'm not sure if this is due to my age, my mindset or my medication, it may even be a combination of all these things, but what I can say is something has changed.
Recently I had a really shit week to say the least. My water bottle leaked and broke my laptop with my deadlines due at the end of week, I scraped my car off a wall taking the paint work of the bonnet, I ripped my coat and then I got a bill through for my car for £500. All I can say to that is, I am a fricken poor student right now. While I can't argue any of that didn't make me feel like crap. What I can say is I haven't let it affect the rest of my week or even my month.
Nevertheless, what I did do is seriously overhaul my life from finance to friends. I wrote everything down and wrote what I wanted. Which resulted in this list;
1. Be more social, keep myself busy
2. Be more organised
3. Budget my finances.
In affect, while this is the only the first week I have put this into action, I feel somewhat empowered. I reorganised my finances to include my big budget hits of a new laptop and my car costs and while its undeniable its gonna be a tight squeeze, I am able to make it work. This is a great approach compared to what past Victoria would have done, which is cry and stay in my room for days or longer. I then made plans with all my available friends as I have once been told....
'' An idle mind is the devils workshop''AKA.. If you don't keep your mind busy its going to wander into some dark places. Therefore I took my planner, wrote down my budget, scheduled in all my meet ups with friends, put in the shows or Youtube videos I wanted to watch over Easter, alongside any free activities, books, hobbies or University work I have to do. This allowed me to see everything in one place and so far so good. A organised life is a healthy mindset and that is what I rely on these days, keeping myself busy. I don't even have time to feel down about other things that may be going on anymore and that's a good thing.